A scripture I often refer to and have done for most of my Christian life, is Proverbs 13:12, Hope deferred makes the heart sick. There is more to that scripture but that’s where I usually stop. The rest of it is, a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

But what if I have been looking at hope the wrong way? What if hope is the answer to prayer? I’ve been sitting with the Lord this morning, journalling about all my questions, one of which is what is prayer, and why is it seemingly going unanswered? I am a pray-er but I don’t always pray, not with words anyway. With tears a lot, yes and I believe tears are prayers expressed much more eloquently that I can ever do with words. Words frighten me at times. I don’t know what to pray and I don’t want to say the “wrong” words, because words are powerful and creative. Anyway, back to hope.

There are things I have been praying and hoping for, for a very long time. Things I want. And I was questioning if what I want is the same as hoping for it, and is it okay to hope for something I want. And I wondered where hope comes from, and what it is. My thoughts took me to new places of understanding, and I love it when that happens. What if hope comes from God as his answer to what I want, what I’m praying for. What if it all started with hope. What if it all starts with wanting it. Desiring it. Then I recalled the scripture, God gives us the desires of our heart. I’ve often wondered about that verse too. It can be seen in two ways, and that’s how I see it. He puts the desires into our hearts, and then he fulfils them. Hope. We start hoping for them. But what happens when they are not fulfilled?

The heart becomes sick, sad, hopeless, and we get depressed, anxious and discouraged. I know. I thought it was Forrest Gump who said this, but it seems to have been John Lennon who said it first, “Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay it’s not the end yet.” In other words, “Wait! It’s not over yet. I’m not finished yet. I will complete the work I’ve started”. My problem is the time frame. I want it now! I want the pain to end, the heartache to stop.

But maybe hope is what keeps the dream and desire alive, keeps me praying for it. Except I give up praying when discouragement comes and depression sets in. However, if I can see hope differently, as God’s answer and he’s saying, “Yes”, I can wait differently. In a right expectation. With a certainty. Without a time frame.

My next question is how do I wait while holding on to hope, in the midst of a difficult situation that doesn’t change?

• Faith